Readers Corner: A letter from Beth
As the years went by my husband and I made the rather sad discovery that we had nearly stopped having sex. It happened so slowly and the change seemed subtle but by the time I was 40 sex between us had become a very rare occurrence. We always told each other we were tired or our schedules didn’t exactly match up and we’d make it up to ourselves. That simply didn’t happen. Time went on and I became depressed about it. I was angry and ashamed all at the same time. Was it something about me? Did something change in our relationship? Why didn’t he chase after me like he had done 10 years earlier whenever the opportunity presented itself?
We did what many couples don’t really do. We talked about it. It wasn’t painful or accusatory but we reached the understanding that maybe we needed something new in the bedroom to stimulate us more. I purchased a couple of vibrators and a vibrating ring for him to wear during intercourse and while those were fun additions they didn’t really drive either of us for more sex. We’d usually try them out the day they arrived but the novelty didn’t last. Noting had really changed.
The few times we did have sex it seemed a bit routine. We’d do the same positions, in the same order; the same everything. After a bit of time had passed I decided to try something different. After a little convincing we purchased a sex swing. The Spinning Fantasy Swing from Fetish Fantasy (http://www.sextoys247.com.au/fetish-fantasy-spinning-fantasy-swing.html) was just like the one we have. My husband was able to install it pretty easily and that night we gave it a try. I can say without a doubt that this swing ended up saving our marriage. It probably wasn’t as dire as that but once we tried this we couldn’t get enough of each other. For us it was a needed change from the humdrum sexual routine we had found ourselves in. It got so bad that after a while we didn’t even have sex at all. Having a sex swing and a new array of fun positions has changed that ever since.
If this experience taught me one thing, it’s that sometimes the smallest thing can make all the difference. I was concerned with my looks, my weight, if he was having an affair or not and a variety of other things that drove me crazy. When we weren’t having sex as frequently as I wanted I began getting angry with him. I didn’t need to worry about any of that in reality. It all came down to finding the right little addition we needed. I won’t suggest a sex swing will be the answer for all marital troubles but I wanted to show that fixing the situation can sometimes involves a simple addition to the bedroom or other aspect of your lives. It could be a shared hobby or other interest that focuses your attention and time upon each other. Keep an open mind, communicate and don’t fall down that spiral of depressed when it might be avoided.